When Love Has No Direction: Stop Sitting in Relationships Filled With Confusion

There was a season in my life where I sat in a relationship for almost five years filled with confusion, disappointment, and emotional exhaustion. It was a time that seemed to stretch on indefinitely, marked by a series of ups and downs that left me feeling drained and uncertain about my future.

I was a single mother of two children when we met, navigating the complexities of parenting while trying to rebuild my own life after a divorce that had turned my world upside down. It had been two years since my divorce, a period during which I had worked hard to establish a stable environment for my children, focusing on their needs and well-being while also attempting to rediscover my own identity outside of being a wife, and soldier (I was on my way out of the military at this time).

When I first entered this new relationship, there was a spark of hope and excitement. The initial stages were filled with passion and the promise of companionship, a welcome distraction from the loneliness that had accompanied my single motherhood.

However, as time went on, the initial thrill began to fade, revealing a deeper layer of complications. I found myself grappling with feelings of confusion as the relationship oscillated between moments of joy and profound disappointment. There were times when I felt truly seen and appreciated, yet those moments were often overshadowed by misunderstandings and unmet expectations. As the years passed, emotional exhaustion began to seep into every aspect of my life.

We talked about marriage multiple times. There were promises. Plans. Conversations about the future. Four different wedding dates were discussed over the years and not one of them ever happened.

The constant cycle of highs and lows took a toll on my mental health, leaving me feeling as though I was on an emotional rollercoaster that I could not escape. I often questioned whether this relationship was worth the energy I was investing. My children, who had already been through the upheaval of a divorce, were also affected by the instability of my romantic life.

I worried about the impact of our turbulent relationship on their emotional well-being, constantly striving to shield them from the chaos that seemed to surround us. In reflecting on that period, I realize now that I was not only navigating my own feelings but also trying to balance the needs and emotions of my children.

It was a challenging endeavor, as I often felt torn between my desire for personal happiness and my responsibility as a mother.

The confusion lingered, and I found myself questioning what love truly meant and whether I was making the right choices for myself and my family.

And if I’m honest, deep down, I knew.

I knew something was off.

I knew there was no real spiritual leadership.

I knew there was instability.

I knew I was trying to force clarity out of confusion.

But I stayed anyway.

Why?

Because sometimes people stay in relationships not because they are truly fulfilled, but because they are afraid. Afraid to be alone. Afraid to start over. Afraid of disappointing their children. Afraid of what people may say. Sometimes we convince ourselves that “almost” is enough because we do not want to face the pain of letting go.

But confusion is not fruit from God.

“For God is not the author of confusion but of peace.”

— 1 Corinthians 14:33 NKJV

That relationship became a placeholder in my life. I kept waiting for this man to become what I hoped he would become instead of accepting what the relationship actually was.

And the painful truth is this: I did not need a placeholder. I needed Jesus.

I was trying to fill emotional voids, loneliness, insecurity, and uncertainty with a person instead of surrendering those areas to God. Because I was moving in disobedience, I had to deal with the consequences that came with it. That does not mean God hated me. It means God loved me enough to eventually pull me out.

Ultimately, this relationship taught me invaluable lessons about self-worth, the importance of clear communication, and the need to prioritize my own emotional health alongside that of my children. It was a pivotal chapter in my life that, despite its challenges, paved the way for growth and greater understanding of what I truly needed in relationships moving forward.

And let me say this clearly: some relationships are not assignments from God. Some are lessons.

A lot of people today downplay marriage by saying:

“It’s just paperwork.”

“We don’t need a title.”

“We’re basically married already.”

No. Marriage is covenant.

“Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate.””

— Mark 10:9 NKJV

Marriage was created by God. It is spiritual before it is legal. It is not about throwing a wedding or posting pictures online. It is about commitment before God. One man. One woman. Unity under Him.

Now, I understand everybody’s journey is different. This message is not written to condemn anyone. This is for the people who know in their spirit that they have been sitting in relationships with no direction, no leadership, no growth, and no clarity for years while calling it “waiting.”

There is a difference between patience and stagnation.

Children also deserve healthy examples of love and commitment. They should not grow up watching instability, confusion, constant breakups, revolving doors of relationships, or two people dragging out something that has no real foundation. They deserve to see healthy love, healthy communication, commitment, and Christ-centered partnership.

And yes, finances, fear, and “timing” are often used as excuses. But many people build together after marriage. Growth happens together. Healing happens together. Nobody has it all figured out before covenant.

The bigger question is this:

Are both people truly seeking Jesus?

Are both people moving with intention?

Are both people surrendered?

“Can two walk together, unless they are agreed?”

— Amos 3:3 NKJV

When the Lord finally pulled me out of that relationship, it hurt. But looking back now, I thank God for rescuing me from something I was too emotionally attached to walk away from myself.

Some of us are praying for clarity while ignoring the confusion sitting right in front of us.

Stop wasting years where there is no fruit.

Stop ignoring what God keeps revealing.

Stop forcing what Heaven never confirmed.

God is not calling us to relationships rooted in fear, convenience, or emotional dependency.

He is calling us to obedience, healing, covenant, and truth.

And sometimes the first step toward the relationship God has for you is finally letting go of the one He never told you to stay in.

— DeVonn Barlow, Founder of The Surrendered Walk